The Three Losses

I    Loss of Innocence - The molestation

II     Loss of Faith - The family

III    Loss of Life - Eric’s suicide

This is a difficult story to write.  It is never easy to ponder the death of a child,  and the additional  betrayal and loss compound the issue.  But I want the story of my son to be told, and I do not want him to be forgotten.

Eric Andrew Zapala was born on November 15, 1961.  He was the third son of Raymond J. Zapala and Margaret M. Zapala.  Ray’s parents had emigrated from Poland and Marge’s parents had emigrated from Hungary.  Both sets of parents realized the wonderful opportunities in America, and stove through the depression and hard times of World War II to raise their children.  Ray Zapala had served in the Army in World War II, and was able to attend Bradley College in Peoria, Illinois, on the G.I. Bill and obtain an engineering degree.  He was the first one in his family to get a college education.  In turn, he stressed to his sons, there would be four in all, the importance of education.

The two older boys, David and James, were born in Illinois.  The space race in the 1960’s brought the Zapala family to California in December of 1960.  A new home was purchased on Strong Place in Anaheim, and Eric was born there the following November.  Paul was born in February of 1965. 

All of the boys attended St. Anthony Claret school and Church.  Ray and Marge both had the benefit of a Catholic education in grammar school and in high school, and wanted their sons also to be educated in the same tradition.  St Anthony’s was a new school, built because of the growing population of Anaheim.  The four boys were very busy with grammar school and homework, all four were altar boys, and there were Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, Little League, and Pop Warner football activities.  Eric also joined the Boys Chorus at St. Anthony’s, founded by a priest from Boston named Richard Coughlin. He attended practices during the week and often performed with the chorus. He traveled to Europe with the Boys Chorus in 1972.  His passport is attached as Appendix A, with his youthful picture.

St Anthony Claret School was a distance from the family home. There was a car pool daily for fourteen years until all of the boys had graduated. It was necessary to donate time and money for the school.   Marge was often room mother, a lunch time volunteer, worked in the library, was a Cub Scout den leader and den leader coach.   The church was considered an important part of their lives, they attended Mass weekly on Sundays and holidays,  abstained from meat, and followed all of the rules set out by the Church.

When David graduated from St. Anthony’s, there was a lull in the space industry, and the parents realized they could not afford to send their boys to any of the local Catholic high schools.  Thus, they all attended South Junior High and Katella High School.  From there they went on to various colleges over a period of time, and obtained a Ph.D. and three Masters Degrees.

Eric had graduated magna cum lauda from UCLA and had a Master’s Degree in applied economics from the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor.    He had obtained a partial scholarship to this school, and, surprisingly as a California native, he loved the Midwest.  After graduation, he obtained a position with United Way of America, worked in Tacoma, Washington and San Francisco, California.   He finally settled in Detroit, Michigan.  Later, he changed jobs and worked at Electronic Data Systems, and bought a home in Royal Oak, Michigan.  Eric was an active member of Toastmasters International, and earned the Competent Toastmaster status with that organization

In l984, before all of the boys met their educational goals, Ray was diagnosed with colon cancer.  After five surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation, he passed away in September of 1991.  It was a difficult time for the family, and Eric started having problems and seeing a therapist.  The family all thought it was because of his father’s illness and death.  At this time Eric also had problems with his sexual identity.  He started living the life style of a homosexual man, and was very conflicted because of his strong religious upbringing, which considered homosexuality a sin.

A few months after Ray died, Marge received a telephone call one night from the daughter of a friend.  She asked for Eric’s telephone number in Michigan, because she wanted to contact him. Further, she told Marge that Richard Coughlin, the priest who founded the Boys Chorus, was a pedophile.  Marge couldn’t believe what she was being told.  It was too late at night with the time difference for her to call Eric in Michigan, but she did call his brother, Paul.  Paul was able to speak with Eric, who denied knowing anything about the matter.

Eric ended up selling his house in Michigan and returning to the family home in Anaheim.  He was having a difficult time adjusting to new found issues that were coming up in therapy.  His therapist suggested he had been the victim of molestation.  Eric came to California to seek out the truth in the matter.  He found that indeed, several law suits were pending again Richard Coughlin, the Boys’ Choir and the Catholic Church. He spoke with other members of the boys choir, and other victims of molestation.  He made an appointment to visit the Orange County Diocese headquarters in Anaheim Hills, and spoke to a priest, John Urell, who was in charge of handling the molestation cases for the bishop.  Marge also called the diocese and wrote a letter to the bishop, Norman McFarland. (see Appendix B)   She also had an appointment to see John Urell, who told her that Richard Coughlin had been transferred to California because of a molestation of a young man back in Boston.  Further, he told Marge that during his appointment  with Eric, Eric became very agitated, not the worst case he had witnessed, probably the second worse.  Eric left in the middle of the appointment.

At this time, Eric became aware of SNAP, Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, and gathered more information and knowledge of the severity of the abuse situation in Orange County.  The Catholic church at this time, offered Eric 3 months of free counseling, with the therapist of their choice. They also offered to set up visitation with Richard Coughlin.  Eric had had months and months of counseling by this time, with counselors both in Michigan and California.  He felt additional counseling  was not a solution, but wanted an opportunity to confront Richard Coughlin.  The church agreed to work on setting up a meeting.  Eric, Paul and Marge attended the meeting at an attorney’s office.  Eric said not a word, but silently gave Richard Coughlin the “signal.”  During the time of the molestations, Richard Coughlin told Eric it was their “secret” and used the gesture of locking up his lips with his fingertips to indicate this.  Eric, in turn, at the meeting, unlocked his lips with his fingertips.  The “secret” was out.  Not a word was spoken by Eric during the meeting.

Meanwhile, Eric was becoming acquainted of members of the choir who had law suits pending against Richard Coughlin, the Diocese of Orange, the Diocese of Los Angeles (the Orange County Diocese had not been formed at the time of his abuse, in the ‘70’s.), the Benedictine Fathers (Richard Coughlin was sent there from Boston)  (later it was learned that this was a common practice of the church ,the “geographic solution” to send a molester to another part of the country, to a monastery before sending him back into parish work).  The final defendant in the law suits was John Urell, the priest who handled the molestation cases for the Bishop, Norman McFarland.

The attorney handling these cases was Mark Roseman (who later was convicted of six counts of grand theft and sent to prison)  Eric decided to proceed with a lawsuit, as the diocese was not accepting liability in the matter, acknowledging that the molestation had taken place, or offering any financial assistance. 

The civil lawsuit filed in l995, was expensive, emotionally draining and eventually, unsuccessful.  Because of the current law on the books at that time, the statute of limitation had run on Eric’s case, and, as the court papers indicated, even if the “acts stated had occurred,” it was too late to hold the parties liable.  The church was off the hook legally, and offered no support, emotionally or financially. (see printout of the Orange County California Superior Court case number OCSC 743786, attached as Appendix C)

Eric carried on  in his personal life, but his life was fragmented.  He worked at different jobs, lived in different locations. For a while he lived at home on the proceeds of the sale of his home.  He then worked for UCLA, Sandy Corporation, Lieberman Research, Carrier Access Corporation, and Ball Aerospace , and lived in Long Beach, Los Angeles area, and finally found a spot distant from molestation in Colorado (Later, we learned that this was a common practice for victims of molestation, to move away from the “scene of the crime” to places not connected with their youthful injury. Some moved as far away as Alaska or across the country to Florida)

Eric seemed to get healing from nature.  He was always one to be hiking, bicycling, running, swimming.  He enjoyed the outdoor sports and training for triathlon events.  He swam the length of the Golden Gate Bridge with a team while he lived in San Francisco.  He also received two fitness certifications. 

In between, Eric would return to his family home in Anaheim, and stay with his widowed mother.  During this time, his mother was the caregiver for her mother, Emma Weiss, for several months on the year.  Eric’s grandmother, Emma, was in her nineties, and spent several months each year in California, as a respite from her home in Chicago, often during the cold, winter months.  Eric assisted with her care, being her companion while his mother was out of the home, and taking his grandmother for walks, pushing her in her wheelchair.

A happy memory came out of this relationship.  Grandmother Emma’s favorite television program was WHEEL OF FORTUNE.  After dinner, while Marge was cleaning up in the kitchen, Eric and Grandmother would watch the program.  Eric amazed his grandmother with his ability to figure out the puzzles, and she encouraged him to go on the show.  Acting on this encouragement, Eric tried out for the show, and was selected.  He went down to have the shows taped, with his brother, Paul, and mother in attendance.  He was the top winner for the day, and won the showcase.  He also appeared on the Friday winner roundup show.  His total winnings were a trip to Bermuda, a large family entertainment center with TV, CD player, record player, etc and about $10,000.00 in cash.  (The tapes of these shows are now a valued family treasure, a happy memory now with a bittersweet overview.  The Greeks have a word for this KAIMOS, a nostalgia for something lost, a painful memory of something that was once pleasurable.  A painful presence of an absence.)

Later, as his grandmother’s condition deteriorated after two strokes, he would assist in lifting her into the wheelchair, into the car, etc.  The bond between them grew very strong.  She died in 2001, at the age of 103.

Eric lived in Colorado the last five years of his life.  He lived in Denver, Boulder, and finally, in Nederland, a small town up the mountain from Boulder.  He worked then at Ball Aerospace, and had a network of friends in Colorado who knew nothing of his molestation.   He would often return to Anaheim, telling his mother he was doing well, and point out she seemed to be the one having trouble dealing with the molestation.  That was very true.  With the new case law involving molestation cases against the church, lawsuits were being filed, and stories appeared weekly in the newspapers about the church’s role in denying the abuse and the stories of the many victims. 

A detective working in Placentia, where Richard Coughlin now lived, attempted to gather information from choir members in order to bring a criminal lawsuit against him.  She contacted Eric and met with him, but despite all of her efforts, no criminal action could be brought under current law.  Richard Coughlin was a free man, despite his abuse to many members of the choir. 

The laws changed in 2004, and victims were given one year to file/refile their lawsuits again the church.  Eric opted not to enter into this round of cases.  His previous lawsuit was draining financially and emotionally.  He did not want to undergo discovery procedures again.  The church had all of his information already, his grades from grammar school, high school, colleges, his employment records, his psychological reports.  He had answered “interrogatories” and given them all of the information. They knew well his history.

For fourteen years, since 1992, the Church had known of the molestation of Eric by Richard Coughlin.  The Orange County Diocese knew about it, the Los Angeles Diocese knew about it, the Benedictine Father knew about it, the All American Boys’ Choir knew about it, and John Urell knew about it.

In 1992, they offered three months of counseling

In 1993, they did nothing

In 1994, they did nothing

In 1995, they were off the hook legally, and did nothing.

In 1996, they did nothing

In 1997, they did nothing

In l998, they did nothing

In l999, they did nothing

In 2000, they did nothing

In 2001, they did nothing

In 2002, they did nothing

In 2003, they did nothing

In 2004, they did nothing

In 2005, they did nothing

In 2006, Eric committed suicide. He hung himself in his summer home, a small apartment above a garage in Nederland, Colorado.  It was many days before his body was found.

The loss to his family was insurmountable.  They had lost a son and brother under most painful circumstances.  Suicide is an isolating loss.  The Catholic Church they had all grown up in had irreparably harmed their son/brother.   The Catholic Church they had all grown up in had chosen to deny and ignore the harm done for fourteen years.  They all had lost their Catholic faith.

The three losses, the loss of innocence, the loss of faith, and the loss of life.

APPENDIX  A   -   Eric’s passport

APPENDIX B    -   1992 Letter from Margaret Zapala to Bishop Norman McFarland

APPENDIX C   -    Case Summery of Zapala vs.  Roman Catholic Bishop of L.A.

APPENDIX D   -    SNAP Summary of Memorial Service

APPENDIX E    -    2006 letter from Margaret Zapala to Bishops, et al with attached

                                 Death Certificate